Third Time’s a Charm

How can I possibly be this lucky?! I am ovulating exactly when I am supposed to! When I saw that Blinky Smiley face on the ovulation test that morning, I about fell over!! My husband was leaving for a trip the following week, and I was going to go out of town for work meetings. I had been agonizing over what I would do if I had to cancel those meetings or if my husband would have to cancel/interrupt his trip just because of the timing of our IUI cycle. I had yet to tell anyone that I worked with that we were going through this, and in hindsight that caused a lot of stress on me. I was trying so desperately to not let this journey effect my work or who I was in my career. HUGE mistake. 

 I called the fertility center to let them know that I had gotten the positive ovulation test and that I was on CD 11…which means that I didn’t ovulate early again, so this should be perfect timing for us to ACTUALLY get to do the IUI! The nurse called me back and said to come on in to the office as soon as we could. My husband wasn’t able to go with me this time, but that was ok. The most we would be able to do is get the TRIGGER shot done and then return the following day for the IUI procedure. 

I loaded up that trusty TRIGGER shot in my little lunchbox, and we headed down to the Dr’s office…again. I arrived at the Dr’s office and paid my $340 fee for the ultrasound that I was about to have. You would think that spending that kind of money would cause some sort of panic for a person who is…how do you say…..CHEAP, like me. But this was so exciting that I swiped my card like I was buying an awesome pair of shoes that I found 50% off at the Rack! As I sat waiting, I watched a woman walk back up to the front desk with her little ice chest. Her face was red, and she looked flustered. She told the receptionist that she needed to make an appointment for the following day. I felt bad for her, and remembered the feeling that I had had the month before when I made the long journey home with Mr Trigger shot riding shotgun in my little ice chest. It didn’t occur to me to wonder why she had come back from the exam rooms and that she needed to come back the very next day….

My thought was interrupted by a nursing calling me back.  We said the typical pleasantries, and she directed me in to an exam room. I was met by a Dr that I had not seen before. These fertility centers deal with such time sensitive procedures that they are usually open 7 days a week, so it is very common to deal with a few different Dr’s along the journey. This Dr was a younger man, and seemed confident and mild mannered. I honestly didn’t really care as long as we found that my uterine lining looked good and that my follicles were ready!

He began the ultrasound with checking the uterine lining….I don’t remember the exact number, but it wasn’t the 7 that we were looking for. I believe it was somewhere around a 5. He noted the measurement and moved on to my follicles. I told him that I felt them more on my left side this time which was new to me. He seemed impressed that I could tell which side I would ovulate from, and as he scanned around he found 3 larger follicles on my left side. They didn’t seem very large, and my heart sank as he measured them out….one was 11 mm and the other was 10 mm, and then there was a tiny 8 mm one. These need to be at LEAST a 17 mm before they will TRIGGER. I felt the familiar lump in my throat as I sat up to hear his explanation. He enthusiastically said, “Everything looks GREAT! We are going to have you wait two more days and then come back in to recheck the follicle growth”……UM, excuse me what?? I felt tears welling up…was this hormones, stress, or disappointment?….I don’t know, but I hate crying in front of people so I choked it back. I said, “ Ok, then so I will come back on Monday to get rechecked. Then we will Trigger and be able to do the IUI on Tuesday…and a possible second IUI Wed?” He said “YES! Exactly!” I was relieved that he sounded so confident that this would be the case, and that I wouldn’t spontaneously ovulate on my own in the meantime. 

I walked passed the nurses station and said an incredibly fake “have a great day”, and as I walked out through the waiting room and to the front desk I was suddenly the red faced, flustered woman with the ice chest that had come from the back that needed to make an appointment to come back in a few days. I saw a woman in the waiting room looking very happy, with her little ice chest….I secretly wanted to warn her that her day might possibly just be ruined here in 15 minutes. I NEVER thought that this process would be like this. I was blissfully unaware of how common it is to have to work so hard to even just be able to do an IUI. Every YouTube video that I’ve watched, and Instagram account that I had followed, had been able to do one cycle and TRIGGER and then complete an IUI cycle without any of the additional ultrasounds, time, and money that we were facing. 

I couldn’t get to my truck fast enough. The tears were flowing down my face before I could even get the door shut. I immediately called my husband and told him the “devastating” news. He is so calm and stoic in these types of situations. He assured me that this was all still fine. We would wait the two days, go back and be able to complete the IUI and I would still be able to make my meetings out of town later that week. I was on my THIRD journey home with my little friend the TRIGGER shot in tow. 

For the next 2 days, I bombarded my mom, sister, and my best friend with all of my worries of having to cancel the meetings that I had planned. There were people that were flying from half way across the country for these meetings and I did not want to disappoint anyone. No one that I work with, would have wanted me to be as worried about these meetings as I was. This was stress that I was putting on myself. My loved ones told me to stop with the worry about this. That if I needed to cancel something in order to pursue this, that no one would fault me for it. But as a woman in a male dominated industry….a male dominated world…It’s hard to admit to myself that I don’t have control over this, and that I may have to make this a priority. I have never been one to blame hormones for a state of mind, and I have even been guilty of thinking less of women who use that as an “excuse/explanation” for behavior. But this whole process of being on synthetic hormones gave me a big dose of reality on how REAL of a thing that actually is. I was pretty irrational at this point, so no amount of logic was going to calm me. 

FINALLY the two day wait was OVER! I was headed back down to the Fertility center, and you’ll never guess who was coming with me….YUP! Ol TRIGGER and my little ice chest were in the passenger seat for the third time this week. I even remember telling it as I loaded it in with the cold pack “Third times a charm little buddy”….I had a very early appointment and hadn’t had my coffee yet, and had to find some levity in the situation for my own sanity. My husband had already left for his trip, which meant he would be driving for a few days and ultimately be ending up in Colorado. We decided to wait out the results of these ultrasounds to make a decision on where/how/what/when he would potentially fly home for this IUI. Part of both of us was prepared for another cancelled cycle, so he went ahead and left for the trip. 

Now at the Dr’s office, I found myself again paying that ultrasound fee and waiting to be called back. I was a little disappointed when a different Dr (so this is the third doctor I’ve seen so far in this journey), walked in to the exam room. I had never met this Dr before. He didn’t have much personality which was actually perfect. I wanted to just get this done and get the numbers! Same old drill…he checked my uterine lining….there was improvement there. Now on to those follicles. One was 13mm, one was 10 mm and one was 8 mm. DAMN! I sat up again, but this time I wasn’t able to completely hold in how I was feeling. I held back the majority of the water works, but a single tear trickled down. The Dr looked confused and said “No, this is totally fine! We will wait until Thursday, check you again! Everything looks great, just need a couple more days”. I swear if I hear that one more time, I am going to LOSE it! 

Again, I was the woman at the front desk with my little ice chest. I mean, this is getting comical at this point right?! I had taken this TRIGGER shot for more car rides than a lot of dogs get in their lives! My next appointment was set for first thing Thursday morning…which was the day that I was to head out of town for my meeting. I made another tearful call to my husband, mom, sister, and best friend, as I made my journey home with ol TRIGGER. My plan was to go to this Dr appointment at 7am Thursday, and that would decide the fate of the rest of my week. 

It’s amazing how agonizing a couple of days can be when there is so much riding on the outcome. It was now Thursday, the fateful day that I would get to find out what my body was up to now. At this point I could majorly FEEL those follicles. I felt so bloated and full that I was SURE that there was no way that I would be sent packing with ol TRIGGER again! I am back at the Dr’s office and I’m sitting in the exam room with the paper coverup over my lap. I bowed my head and said a prayer that everything would look good and that this emotional roller coaster would be done. I would be missing my meeting, but it would be worth it. The door cracked open and I heard a familiar voice…THANK GOD!! It was the same Dr that I saw for the first ultrasound of this cycle. He jokingly said, “Back again?!”. I said YEP and I’m hoping you have good news for me today! I would love to not have to take that TRIGGER shot home again. 

We went right to the ultrasound and my lining looked PERFECT!!! Now on to the follicles…DRUMROLL PLEASE….The Dr flipped the lights back on and told me to sit up so we could chat. Remember that I need to have one follicle to be at least 17 mm in order to TRIGGER. He said, “I have GOOD news, 1 follicle 18 mm, 1 at 14 mm and 1 at 9 mm. This means that we can TRIGGER today and IUI tomorrow. Then if we ultrasound tomorrow and the follicles are still full then we will repeat the IUI procedure the following day”. I said wow that’s great news…I have a lot of planning to do today. He looked at me very confused, and said, “What do you mean by that?” I said, “Well, my husband is currently in Colorado, and I have a meeting in Fresno tomorrow morning….obviously, I will just cancel the meeting, and I’m sure my husband can get home late tonight.” He said, “oh no! There’s no reason to do all of that! We can just wait to have you do the TRIGGER shot until tomorrow (Friday) afternoon, and then you guys can come in early Saturday for your IUI.” I about fell off the table! WHAT?! This is a possibility?! He said, “Yes! That is one of the nice things about the science of all of this. We can play around with things a little bit if we need to. You don’t show any signs of ovulating, so you will be fine to wait to TRIGGER tomorrow. In fact, your follicle will be even a little bit bigger.”  Now, I felt the lump in my throat and a tear in the making due to the relief that I felt! 

I bounced out of that office with ol TRIGGER in the ice chest like I never have before. I was so excited to call my husband to let him know that we needed to make arrangements to get him home for Saturday morning. I drove home with a huge smile on my face! This was all starting to go in our favor! I can’t believe it! We caught a break! The only down side was that now instead of having a nurse give me the TRIGGER shot, I was going to have to do it myself at NOON tomorrow…which meant I would be on the road on my way home from my meeting. I got home, packed up all of my stuff and got on the road to Fresno. My meeting was Friday morning, so I had plenty of time to get down to my hotel and get rested for the next day. Ol TRIGGER now got to go on a road trip… a road trip that I would never forget….